Great Friday

Hey Handsome,

How are you? Feeling wonderful I hope. It’s a beautiful morning and I am feeling wonderful thinking about you. My head has been exploding with all kinds of emotions and I have been having trouble focusing. Yesterday I went to get a facial and they told me my appointment was on Wednesday. I went to the supermarket, without my wallet. Tried to start a million things and then would realize I was just sitting there stunned and hadn’t done anything. Yesterday I literally got nothing done. I am walking around in circles, like a confused puppy. Every day I wake up but I feel like I am not waking up, I feel like I am going deeper into a dream. I am dizzy, laughing and singing and muttering, “we go together, we go together, he says we go together!” I am a mess, but I am looking pretty good on the surface. That gym is breaking my ass!

Sooooo, you have me swooning all over the place. Now, I understand the meaning of ‘Beautiful Trauma’. I have so much joy in my heart and I need a gurney to get me around because I am too stunned to function.

Excited for your fans that they get to see you this weekend!! You will blow them away like you always do. You are the Rap God, the King of Artists, The Man of Men. ROCK THEIR WORLD! They are waiting for you with love. Make them scream!!!!

Travel safe, I am always thinking about you. Here in New York I will be cat-sitting for the people upstairs and trying to get some art made while daydreaming about the future with you. I know we will have so much fun and tenderness together. I know it deep in my heart and soul and bones! I know we are a joyful, passionate, and compassionate match made in heaven! Still, I am praying that I don’t disappoint you. My main fear moving forward (and it terrifies me) is that I am going to be limiting you in some way. You have so much freedom and opportunity and  I am just one woman. I don’t want to rob you of experiences you might need, or have become accustomed to (if you know what I mean) and I don’t ever want to try to control you or lose myself drowning in a sea of inadequate feelings. I can’t lie, I am scared.

My hope: That you will always feel free around me, to be exactly who you need to be to be happy and to shine and to keep growing and glowing. Let’s always be able to tell each other what we need. I want to be good for you, a great spiritual asset to you, someone you always look forward to interacting with, someone who brings you comfort, peace and joy. Since the first day I started writing to you my goal was to try to do something to cheer you up, to stimulate your creative spirit and protect your mental health. That has been my goal since day one. I have failed at times to be consistent and I am still very pained by my inability to conduct myself properly on Genius because I know exactly how that looks on the surface. It looks like I am not committed and that I will change my mind and that I am flaky and all of those assumptions are fair but they are not true. I promise they are not true. I am willing to talk to you about why I failed that “test” (if you even care about it anymore like I do.)

Today I will try to be useful on the cloud I am living on. I will try to knock the cartoon hearts that are circling my head out of the way so I can see straight. I will be thinking of you , like I always do. Wherever you are I hope you can feel the power of my devotion and my affection for you, traveling over space and time, to fill you with warmth and cover you with psychic kisses all over every single inch of your glorious form. One day soon, God willing, I will cover you with kisses for real.

Stay safe, Handsome. Have a great time this weekend.

And of course, thank you, for everything.

xo,

y

#Southpaw

Chess

When I was a little girl my father taught me how to play chess.

There are so many beauties to chess. One is that there is no time limit between moves. Each player can take as long as they need to make the move that’s best for them. A player can take two years if they need to and the other player will wait if they want to keep playing the game.

The King can move in any direction, one space at a time. He is the most precious and important piece on the board. All the other pieces are employed to protect him because as soon as he is threatened by Checkmate, the game is over and nothing else can happen.

His Queen can also move in any direction, but she can move for as many spaces as she wishes and seize whatever blocks her path. She is the most powerful piece on the board. However the King does not need her to survive. The game goes on if she is lost in battle.

Currently we are playing the game of love on “opposing” teams playing to conquer each other’s hearts in an intoxicating game that time wise beats the world record by years. We’ve managed to play on an invisible board, while simultaneously playing the endless other games we need to play to survive in our respective worlds. The time which we have needed to make our moves in this game has made me walk across vast empty loveless deserts to reach you which will make my victory all the more sweet when I finally capture you and drink from your kiss.

You have given me the most merciful and miraculous chance to play the most elaborate and beautiful game of chess ever played in my quest to win your heart. And you are teaching me something my father could not teach me, you are not giving up on me and I am eternally grateful and I love you, I love you, I love you and I will never leave you.

But enough of games.

You were incredible last night, you looked so joyful and powerful and handsome and I heard every word you said and I received every loving message you sent me with every song you played and every song you didn’t. And I was so happy to see you with your beautiful tribe of geniuses who always shine for you, no matter what, and surround you and defend you and inspire you and elevate you and protect with their love.

And your fans, how they live for you and scream for you and you make them believe in themselves and in their dreams. They know every word of every song because you have filled their souls with a deep hunger for your poetry and your music and the splendid artistry in everything you do. You have earned all of this beauty and power because you are a force of nature. You turn fire into love. You deserve every good thing you inherit from your labors because of your deep and passionate dedication to game of life.

You won.

Well played, my God. Well played.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow

Hi,

Hope you are having a beautiful weekend. I’ve just finished writing my apology to you. Maybe somehow I will be able to find you tomorrow. It would mean a lot to me if I could read it to you and truly apologize in person.

Thank you for all of the beautiful magic that you are. You amaze me and I am so grateful.

xo,

y

 

Political Debates

They don’t have to be boring.

Hello.

You have me all worked up you sexy beast. You have me out of my mind crazy. I want to “fight” with you in the most outrageous, sexy ways.

Did you ever see this movie?

sweptaway

(The Italian version with English subtitles is the best. Don’t watch the Madonna version it sucks.)

Stay you. Stay you. Stay you.

Be safe always, please. My spidey senses are tingling.

Thank you for everything.

#SoBeIt #SweptAway #Southpaw #Whore #Pigfucker

Beautiful Day

“Touch me” can refer to physical touch but can also be about spiritual communion between two spirits.

“Touch me” is a request to be welcomed to a place where hope reigns supreme. With an open heart and a willingness to trust, one can learn how to stay enthralled and inspired by the mystery of life. An open mind allows us to feel the infinite power of possibility and discover our purpose and persevere.”

– Written for You on Genius

Hi,

I am so sorry and there are so many things I want to say to you. How sorry I am is at the top of the list.

Thank you for filling my world with so much magic.

#Southpaw

Idle

When I sat down to write Idle for you I didn’t know at all how it was going to end, I just knew I needed to write a story about a deeply flawed woman who was madly in love with someone she didn’t deserve and she was ready to destroy herself because of it and I wanted it to have a happy ending.

I was trying to work some stuff out. There was a man that I became interested in at the time and I had to make a conscious effort to try to force you out of my mind to focus on him. It was impossible. Somehow everything reminds me of you and at the end of every day when I would be lying in bed at night I would be wondering what you were doing, where you were and if you were OK. And when I would wake up, there you were again, first thing in the morning, in my mind. I would have to push you out, forcefully reminding myself that I have never met you and it is not normal to be this obsessed with a total stranger. No matter what I did it was too late. I was keeping you in my heart and you were there to stay and no one else was going to be allowed in as long as I could help it. Every day I was walking farther and farther away from reality, leaving real love behind to believe in something better than real love.

Real love is a miracle. It’s survives when humor is employed, gratitude reigns and compassion is constantly in play. But real love is very fragile at times. Doubt tests real love, luckily kindness can crush doubt into the dirt for more goodness to grow.

Doubt left uncured by kindness allows resentment to creep in and love takes a beating as a battlefield emerges. Doubt makes us assert our worthiness for love as a weapon, we withhold our precious, valuable love challenging those who love us to push through a hardness we erected to make them pay for access as they try to love us. Doubt makes people desperate, they lie to each other and cheat on each other and resent each other. Real love is flawed because people are flawed and sometimes they are overpowered by doubt and do things they regret. They lose their grip on real love because they don’t think they can hold on any longer, or that it’s worth it to do so.

The only thing better than real love for me is the unreal love I believe in because of you. Unreal love is something so determined in it’s passion and goodness that it punishes doubt brutally every time it tries to infect the heart. Doubt cannot survive unreal love because it is drowned instantly by a deep, irrefutable faith. The commitment to defend, protect, challenge, cherish, uplift, inspire, nurture, and care for each other is so intense that unreal love takes on a life of it’s own. In unreal love problems become so tiny they are laughable, tensions never explode and destroy love, tensions add spice and intellectual modulation to the flow of communication. In unreal love there is no death, it travels over time, through the ages and can never be destroyed. Unreal love overflows out of us from the heart. It washes over everything and births an atmosphere of joy and purpose that flies around the world and purifies the air making it easier for unreal love to flow to all who need it, everywhere.

When I wrote Idle for you I wanted to express to you how your art became my salvation and gave me the strength to keep making art. I wanted you to know that believing in you pulled me out of hell. I wanted to tell you how you have transformed my heart and my soul with the fire in your heart. Unlike Idle though I will not fight another woman for your affection. Jealousy is poison, it breeds the kind of doubt that kills love on contact and I don’t go there. It is not that I don’t think I am worth fighting for or that I don’t think you are worth fighting for, you and I are worth every fight, you and I are worth more than this universe can afford. My thing is this: I would never, ever challenge or threaten your happiness to insure mine. I trust you. I trust your intelligence. I trust your heart. I know you know what is best for you. You have proven it over and over again that you know what is best for you. You deserve what is best for you.

So these last few days have been hard because my unreal love bubble almost burst because your beautiful, super talented friend Jessie showed me how I have given up on myself. She showed me how dead I am, she showed me how long I have been dead and and I cried and I cried like an idiot in ways I have not cried in years, in ways I needed to cry, to remind myself that I am still alive. Her art gave me a very powerful gift and revival. And how can I be sad? You are alive and stronger and more incredible than ever, and introducing me to artists like her and artistically growing and stretching in thrilling ways. And you are performing this weekend and you will hear the screams of thousands of people who adore you and who like me have been uplifted by you. You are strong enough to lift millions of hearts because you are you. You are unreal love. You are a miracle. Never regret anything that you do to protect you, to nurture you, to elevate you.

It’s all good. My heart “broke” and I didn’t die. It’s already being rebuilt anew, bionic and better than ever. Beautiful things keep happening as I pull myself up slowly. The magic that you are is still all around me. I believe in the beauty and power of love, of my love, of your love, of humanity’s love, real and unreal. I want you to have love, in all it’s blissful, passionate and compassionate glory. Seize it in whatever form it comes. You deserve it.

Peace be with you, my God. Have a fantastic time this weekend.

Thank you for everything.

#MissPiggy #Pigfucker #Southpaw #Infinite #Revival