Hardcore Happiness

Happiness is listening to Eminem rap all day long.










Come Up For Air

Do you what you gotta do
I’ll wait for you, to come for air

Cause this whole wide world
There’s no one else for me
So while you search the seas for answers
I will still be waiting here

Make sure you dive down deep
Because if you do
Even though it takes a thousand lifetimes
My love, I know you’re finally gonna see the truth, and you’ll return

And I will still be here
When you come up for air
Do you what you gotta do
I’ll wait for you, to come for air

And even if this really is the end
I’m sure I’ll be alone until I’m dead
Cause no one else will ever quite compare
To them it wouldn’t be fair.

-Skylar Grey, Come Up For Air

Produced by Eminem





8 Miles

My favorite piece of jewelry is made of wood. I wear it every day. It inspires me to keep trying, to keep working, and to never give up my creative dreams.

My work days are between 10-12 hours of sitting at a computer so I walk to and from work to get exercise. It’s a good walk, 8 miles a day, round trip, and I use the time to think about my personal projects that I work on in the evening.

Work is not all I think about. I think happy thoughts about the future, I look at the trees and I wonder about the tree that became the wooden jewelry I wear every day. I wonder how many people sat under the tree that became my jewelry, and played under the tree and kissed under the tree and how long it stood on the Earth before it became many parts of many people’s dreams.

As I walk I smile and I send prayers into the sky to the man who I admire, who made the jewelry possible. I wish for excellent health and true happiness for the man who rescued this piece of wood from a place near when I am walking, who gave it to artists, to make something new, something that would continue to inspire people. I thank him for making this beautiful, sweet symbol of strength, growth, triumph over hardship, and renewal.


Sometimes I hold this piece of wooden art in my hand as I walk. I caress it’s smooth perfection and physically enjoy the carved information. I let my skin absorb the shape of his childhood home and the numbers and letters that measure the point of origin of this great artist’s dreams. I thank the universe for him. I thank him for his voice because he has shown me that I have everything I need as long as I work hard, keep learning and have hope.


I am Shady Army forever, a loyal soldier who fights for life, art and love.

Thank you, Shady.



Miracles From Detroit In New York


Remembering that the first people to ever pay me for my drawings was Motown Records…


When I was 20, I was part of a group of young artists in Bad Boys Studios (I was the only girl). Bad Boys Studios founder, Mike Davis discovered us at various comic book conventions. He convinced Motown to make a line of superhero comic books but for some reason he had me do a biographical comic about Smokey Robinson and the Miracles as part of the pitch presentation to get the deal.


These are the only drawings I have left. I must have given Mike all the original, finished work. Back then I didn’t realize artists are supposed to keep their originals. I didn’t get paid for these drawings. I got paid later for designing the cities that the Motown Comics heroes would be fighting evil in.

When Mike asked me to design the cities I was a little nervous because I didn’t know shit about drawing buildings. All I knew how to draw when I met him was Red Sonja walking across the desert and killing dudes in taverns and on ships. The day I gave Mike the first drawings of the cities he said, “What the fuck is this shit, bitch!? This shit looks like a fucking 9 year old drew this shit.” I just smiled, Mike was a colorful guy. I started taking notes. “You got it, Mike. These are shit.” He got angrier because I wasn’t getting upset. “Where the fuck is the perspective? How the fuck are our heroes supposed to fly through this 2 dimensional shit? This shit sucks.” I smiled and nodded. “No problem, I will go get a book on perspective.” He was shaking with rage. I looked at the other two people in his office, his secretary,  (an aspiring cartoonist, who told me a few days before how lucky I was to be the only girl allowed to draw for the group), and one of the other artists, they  were both shrinking into the corner, humiliated for me. I was smiling like nothing was wrong because in my mind nothing was wrong. I was excited to have the job. I was going to get $1,000 for designing cities for Motown Comics. I never saw a check with four figures! I was going to get a check with four figures! Everything was OK. Of course Mike was angry. He was my boss and I was getting feedback. All artists get feedback. All artists get treated like shit. That is part of the beauty of being an artist. I felt bad for the two people cringing for me, I felt bad that they didn’t realize how awesome this was. I worked for Motown Comics as an artist! I looked back at Mike and continued telling him that I had this project under control. “Don’t worry, Mike. I read really fast. I’ll get a book on perspective, maybe two, and I’ll do new drawings.” Mike screamed, “Bitch, get the fuck out of my office!”

“You got it!” I turned around to leave and took two steps toward the open door before a loud whizzing sound went past my head and a model of the Starship Enterprise smashed on the hallway wall in front of me. Mike had thrown it at me and missed my head by an inch–at most. “Bitch, you have one week to bring me professional fucking drawings! Don’t come back here until you know what the fuck you are doing.” I smiled and waved goodbye. “Awesome! One week. You got it, Mike.”

I went to the Strand and got two books on perspective and didn’t sleep for more than one hour a night. My boyfriend who quit his job for “no reason” the day I got my “big break” at Motown started laying  on the floor at the foot of my drafting table and wouldn’t move, because he was worried I was going to leave him now that my dreams were coming true. I moved out to finish the drawings at my hoarder mom’s apartment in the projects. One week later I went back to see Mike at the Motown Comics offices.


“This is better. Much better. I like this shit. Good job.” He handed me a check for $1,000.


Then I went back home to my boyfriend, stopped going to the Motown offices to avoid relationship drama at home and spent the money I made on Bartending school.


A few years later, in 1996 when I was single for a minute, I decided to try to become a cartoonist again. But I needed a new job. I needed more money to print my own comics and go to San Diego Comic Con. I walked into a bar on St. Mark’s place that had live music every night called Dan Lynch. Behind the bar was one of my customers from St. Mark’s Comics and The Forbidden Planet. We didn’t even know each others’ names but I had helped him a zillion times with his comics for years. “Hi! What are you doing here?”, he asked. I told him, “I’m looking for a job.” He said “Well, you are in luck because I am the manager.” He reached under the bar and pulled out a set of keys and slid them to me. “You were always the best clerk at St. Mark’s Comics and The Forbidden Planet. You always made sure I got my books and you were always smiling and happy. You can start Sunday. You’ll need the keys to open the bar.”

My new amazingly kind boss was a blues harmonica player, originally from Detroit, Michigan. His stage name was Motor City James. Thanks to him I was able to make enough money to go to San Diego Comic Con, rent a table and promote my own mini-comics. The attention my work got at comic-con changed the direction of my life forever. I owe so much of my artistic successes and inspiration to the fighting, creative spirit of Detroit!







Happy Father’s Day

“Beautiful is the man who leaves a legacy that of shared love and life. It is he who transfers meaning, assigns significance and conveys in his loving touch the fine art and gentle shaping of a life. This man shall be called, Father.”  – Stella Payton

Have a wonderful Father’s Day, to my hero 🙂

Your devotion to your daughters is a glorious guiding light in this world. I hope you can spend today enjoying your family and your sweetest memories together, while making new ones that you will all treasure forever.



A Very Merry Unbirthday To You

Had a dream the other night that I was sitting next to Eminem and he put a gift for me on the keyboard of my computer when he thought I wasn’t looking. It was two pieces of steel jewelry for my hair. They were butterflies and each one was the same kind of butterfly, but they had different clasps and fastened differently. I thanked him as I put them in my hair. Then I woke up.

Every year I write a birthday message to my heroes Marshall Mathers, Eminem and Slim Shady on my cybershrine to him, and last year I just couldn’t do it, for a lot of reasons that would sound wayyyyyyy too crazy to write here. All I could do was make this website and hope I was doing the right thing on that day. It’s not easy to explain what it’s like to be a superfreak like me.  And maybe this sounds crazy too, but every day I feel huge regret that I didn’t write my usual birthday message to someone I do not know and have never met.

Just watched a video of Proof throwing a surprise party for my Rap God on the Shady Records site and I decided to upload this now, inspired by his joyful soul. It’s at my friend, Rebecca’s birthday party and midway through the song I decided to film it so I could put it on my cybershrine to say Happy Birthday to Eminem too. But why wait to upload it on his next birthday when I can wish him all the best on his Unbirthday!


A very merry unbirthday to me
To who?
To me
Oh you!
A very merry unbirthday to you
Who me?
Yes, you!
Oh, me!
Let’s all congratulate us with another cup of tea
A very merry unbirthday to you!
Now, statistics prove, prove that you’ve one birthday
Imagine, just one birthday every year
Ah, but there are three hundred and sixty four unbirthdays!
Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer
A very merry unbirthday to you, to you
To me?
To you!
A very merry unbirthday
For me?
For you!
Now blow the candle out my dear
And make your wish come true
A merry merry unbirthday to you!

Merry Unbirthday My Hero! Thank you for being the force in this world that inspires me above all others, Eminem. You give me and so many millions of people so much hope and joy. May every one of your days be full of fun and surprises, Shady. May you always be surrounded by love, enjoy perfect health and everlasting creative bliss! You are a miracle, Marshall and I’m so grateful for everything you do to be you!







New York Vs. Everybody

NewYorkVsEverybodyWent to the gym to blow off some steam, after being called repulsive on Genius.com for trying to get people to pay attention to what Hillary Clinton is really saying in her AIPAC speech. That fucking bitch is trying to start a war. Fuck her.

Usually I bring my ipod and listen to rap when I work out, mostly listen to Eminem and Public Enemy. But I didn’t have it charged so I left without it.

After working out I went into the sauna and there was a stack of fashion magazines inside, which was weird, I have never seen magazines in there before. The one on top mentioned the main fashion layout was about fashion in Detroit. Right away I felt like an angel was looking out for me. I smiled and opened the magazine to an ad with big type that said, “A Little Bit Wrong, in The Right Way.”, which I felt described perfectly what I had written on Genius.com

I flipped through the magazine. Read some articles. Read an interview. Was happy to see that Sarah Burton is making some beautiful revolutionary couture for Alexander McQueen, rest his brilliant soul. My time in the sauna was almost up. I usually do 30 minutes and the clock was at 28. I turned the page. I was now on the first page of the Detroit fashion spread and there taking up a full page was an image of a girl’s face and she was wearing an Eminem hat.

Detroit Vs. Everybody


Standing With Kim

Just read an article in the New York Daily News about Kim coming out and announcing that she tried to commit suicide last year and I want to leave a message of support for her, here.

Never say die, Kim. Never! There are so many people in this world who understand what you have been through and admire your strength and are rooting for you and who want you to be happy.

Growing up poor and feeling hopeless time and time again re-wires us and it is so easy to revert back into that hopeless feeling when something bad happens that makes us depressed. It’s so hard to develop new patterns of thinking that don’t take us to those dark places but it can be done. I have been there, on the edge myself and it is hell, (was just posting about it here two days ago because I was finally feeling super hopeful, like I won’t ever feel like that again.) but those moments do happen and they are dark but remember you are loved in this world and people need you in this world. And you are strong and you are a fighter, Kim. That’s what I admire about you from afar, down here in fandom.

Choose joy, Kim. You deserve to be happy and healthy and making many more joyful memories with all of your family and friends.

Sisterhood and solidarity.


standing with Kim sisterhood




Fight Music

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly. – Barbara Haines Howett, Ladies of the Borobudur


Three Years Ago MayDay DSCN8502
The door leading to my old art studio. 2012

This kind of music, use it, and you get amped to do shit.  Whenever you hear some shit and you can’t refuse it. It’s just some shit for these kids to trash they rooms with. Just refuse whenever they asked to do shit
― D12 – Fight Music

Southpaw DSCN8512
“Never forget how lucky you are to have yourself.” – Lyrics from ‘LOST’ , by The Maine

If I could capture the rage of today’s youth and bottle it.  Crush the glass with my bare hands and swallow it
― D12 – Fight Music





Good Mourning


First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, ‘I believe,’ three times.

– Ovid


I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

Yesterday was the tornado warning
Today’s like the morning after
Your world is torn in half
You wake in it’s wake to start the mourning process
And rebuilding, you’re still a work in progress
Today’s a whole new chapter
It’s like an enormous asth-ma
Thunderstorm has passed ya
You weathered it and poked it’s eye out
With the thorn bush that you
Used to smell the roses
Stopped to inhale, can’t even tell your nose is, stuffed
So focused on the bright side
Then you floor the gas pedal
And hit the corner fast the more asserted
Never looking back
May hit the curb
But every day is a new learning curve as you
Steer through life, sometimes you might not wanna swerve
But you have to
To avert a disaster
Lucky no permanent damage
Cause they hurt you so bad
It’s like they murdered your ass
And threw dirt on your casket but you’ve returned from the ashes
And that hurt that you have, you just converted to gasoline
And while you’re burning the past, standing in the inferno and chant

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

You’re so familiarized with what having to swallow this pill is like
It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life
And it’s as though you feel you’ve died
Cause you’ve been killed inside
But yet you’re still alive
Which means you will survive
Although today you may weep cause you’re weakened
And everything seems so bleak and hopeless
The light that you’re seekin’
It begins to seep in
That’s the only thing keepin’
You from leapin’ off the mothafreakin’ deep end
And I’m pullin’ for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healing
And by tomorrow
You may even feel so good that you’re willing to forgive ’em even after
All the shit you been put through this feeling of resilience is building
And the flames are burning quick as fire would through this building
You’re sealed in but you’re fireproof, flame retardant, you withstood it
And as you climb up to the roof, you’re just chillin’ you look down
Cause you’re so over ’em
You could put the heel of your foot through the ceiling

As time passes
Things change every day
But wounds, wounds heal, but scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today’s going down in flames
Throw the match, set the past ablaze

So feel the fire beneath your feet as you barely even perspire
From the heat
Exhale deep and breathe a sigh of relief
And as you say goodbye to the grief
It’s like watching the walls melt in your prison cell
But you’ve extinguished this living hell
Still a little piece of you dies as you scream

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

I feel the burn, watch the smoke as I turn
Rising, a phoenix from the flames
I have learned, from fighting fights, that weren’t mine
Not with fists, but with wings that I will fly

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light.

– Eminem, Beautiful Pain