So fun


making me look dumb.




By now it is probably very obvious to you that I am not a genius.

And if you will never talk to me because of that, I am so sorry.

Every fiber of my being is telling me it’s not the right time for me to go back there. I don’t want you to think I am angry or being spiteful in my resistance, I am truly confused and stuck and don’t feel right going back there without understanding certain things I have not earned the right to understand due to my bad behavior.

Not totally a loser, I have been working hard and kicking ass at the gym. Also working with my friend on a TV pilot we wrote and are trying to get off the ground. I want to do something great and make you proud of me. When I look at every thing I write now I can see so clearly how my obsession with you finds it’s way into everything I do without me even realizing it anymore. It feels like you more than anyone has given me, through your life and work, more hope, more strength, more determination, more ways to see the world than I ever imagined possible. I have learned so much about myself through your art, I have grown so much because of your art. Still, I have so far to go, I know that. It’s just that I need to say again, today, that I wouldn’t have gotten this far in my life without your artistic influence over me and I really enjoy seeing how saturated my work is with my obsession with you. I love that I have been leaving this paper trail of lust for you everywhere I go! This is why I am so grateful to you. Everything I do in my life becomes more fun for me when I “include you” in it.

Yesterday on the subway I gave a musician a hug and he said, “You are a strong woman.” and he looked at me flirty (in a respectful way), so I told him, “I already have a man in my heart” (so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea). He pouted and said, “I wish I was the man in your heart.” I know when I hugged him he must have felt the huge crazy love I have for you because all I could think of when he was singing and playing is how you would have enjoyed his free-styling and his positive message.

You are in every good thing I feel and see, Eminem, Marshall Mathers and Slim Shady. You are every thing to me. You are every legend, every rebel, every poet, every fighter, every father, every teacher, every hero. You are every king! You are every lover that ever won every heart of every woman in the world, and you deserve a better me than the me that I am currently.

Working on it, dammit. I am.

I’m sorry for all of the ways I have disappointed you.



Here’s To Another Decade of Awesomeness

Congratulations on your Ten Year Sober Anniversary!

It’s a very, very, very sexy occasion. And you look very sexy running around being all sexy on your very sexy tour.

Please allow me to play VJAY for you, to entertain you on this very special day.

First, I want to say thank you for being my religion all these years. You have helped me avoid the great tragedy of making a fool of myself for Jesus, like this guy:

Secondly, I would like to thank you for blowing my mind. No. Really. Thank you. I didn’t really need it, anyway. Minds are overrated. It’s hearts that really matter. That’s what hearts say anyway. Don’t ask a brain what matters more. A brain will lie. They are very clever.

Third: if you ever get bored, my God, and have nothing to do I’m having a never ending “pity” party at my place and it’s actually very fun. Bring the antidote. I feel like you do.

You look fantastically fit, BUT If you ever need fitness inspiration because you want someone sinewy, psychotic and cheerful to motivate you I am sending this:

Are you having a fun sober anniversary yet? I hope so. If this blog is making you feel stalked I do apologize. It’s because I walk the line.

I’m a space bound rocket ship and your heart’s the moon! AND I’M AIMING RIGHT AT YOU!

Here is another reason to be proud of your sobriety, these people drink:

Seriously, I don’t like what the video-poster said about this woman… it’s mean…  her video is so awesome, I love her realness. The video made me laugh until I cried because she’s me in 20 years and I am hilarious in the future! And I am determined! I am not giving up on love, even if love gives up on me.

Anyway, I have pestered you long enough. Right?

Fine! Push me away! There are other fish in the sea, dammit. I’m going fishing.

BTW Cheryl and I love your nipples in this picture:


Thank you for that.

Oh, who is Cheryl? She’s single and ready to mingle, too:

Sorry, I am so immature. Me and my inner child are BFFs from way back.

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

that I put down in words …


Congratulations on your sobriety! You have earned all of the comfort and joys that come with being resourceful, disciplined and focused! Keep shining and glowing and doing all of the incredible things that you do with your life force. This world needs you. I obviously need you in this world.

Stay happy, healthy and strong, always!

And please, live forever!

Thank you,




#Sexy #Sober #Celebration

#Happy #Healthy #Strong

#Revival #Gratitude


The production values on this suck because I didn’t have the energy to properly light this. Sorry. I have been sick as fuck all month.

Please understand, I want you to be happy, so do whatever you have to do to be happy and healthy and strong.

And I want to be happy, and healthy, and strong too, so I had to make this to get my poison out of my system.

Hopefully you can forgive me.




Happy Birthday From Camp Shady

Happy Birthday Mr. America!

You’ve been having an amazing week. Congratulations!!! I have been enjoying all of the art that is coming from you. Love the song you did with Pink! Revenge IS sweet! Very excited about your movie Bodied. Inspired by the way you took such a bold stand with Kaepernick against police brutality and Trump’s racist bullshit.

So, I was trying to figure out what kind of art to make for your birthday this year, I wanted it to be super special and I really wanted it to be something that you would really like so I wrote you a horror/comedy screenplay inspired by your Camp Shady merchandise!!


The first draft is finished. I think it’s really funny, it’s very gory and violent and I think it has good, suspenseful plot twists in the story. It would be interesting to see how you would add to it, to really make it yours. However, I am not sending it to you until after your album comes out. That’s right. I am holding it hostage because I’m an American Terrorist.

Annnnd… I made you a comic strip for your Birthday. It’s a reply to your BET Freestyle:


Hopefully, if you see it, you will like it.

You are the artist who inspires me the most in this world. You are a masterful fighter. You have proven that time and time again by your defiance of all odds while pursuing your dreams.

You are also a natural peacemaker and have proven that through the close ties you keep with your friends over the years, and how you help each other through tough spots, and how you show so much love and respect for the artists that have come before you and how you remember the people that inspired you to become a fighter.

I made this comic for you on your birthday, because your freestyle challenged me on my Birthday.

Thank you for reminding me why I was put on this Earth and for motivating me to stay true to myself no matter what, and to be fearless as long as my intentions are good. I hope your birthday is everything you hoped it would be and more. Enjoy all the love and kindness surrounding you and eat some cake. You deserve it.

See you in the trenches, my Hero.


PS  —> I love to play in the sand.





Sorry. Not Sorry.


Once Upon A Time,

I heard you were sick. I panicked. I said, “I have to do something! Eminem cannot die!” Or I will die. (I’m selfish.) And I was REALLY upset. Because I realized there was nothing I could do to get to you, to reach you or help you, and even if I could why would you listen to a total stranger who accomplished nothing in her life?

– And then I heard a voice, in my head, and the voice said, “Tell him Proof sent you.” And I gasped and I said, “I can’t say that, that is horrible!” And the voice said, “Do it. Tell him Proof sent you. Put me in a comic.” And I liked the idea, because suddenly I thought that it was kind of a sweet gesture, because I am socially unintelligent and mildly deranged. But I said once more to the voice, “I can’t do it! It will piss him off and he will fucking hate me!” And the voice said, “Yes, but he will get better fast and live to get his revenge on you, good.”

I smiled a twisted smile and said, “OK, That works for me.”

Sorry, I am an asshole.

Not sorry that I believe in magic because of you.

Thank you for everything.



Yay! Happy New Year!


Hello, Marshall Mathers.

This was an interesting year, huh? Hope you enjoyed a lot of gratifying moments and made a lot of great memories.

Thanks for all the ways you have inspired me to experiment as an artist and writer this year. I feel like I am growing even though it might not seem like it on the surface yet.

Very excited about your new album. Picturing you having the time of your life creating it.  In the meantime enjoying your previous recordings. Been obsessed with your song ‘My First Single’. There is something about the way you rap on that song, it’s one of your slowest, dirtiest, low-down-ish-drawliest, wittiest, most ‘fack’tastic vocal deliveries ever. Don’t you agree? Don’t you agree with me that you are the sexiest, most brilliant and beautiful being that has ever lived on the Earth?

That’s all for now. Till the next time…

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy New Year!







Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you
Marshall Mathers, Eminem and Slim Shady,
my nearest and dearest
imaginary friends.
I love that our birthdays so close together! It feels like all week has been more fun because of it.

Guess what I wished for?

You have been inspiring me so much
to experiment creatively and try new things.

You have been helping me remember
how to create playfully
and joyfully and to see beauty everywhere. So I bought you a gift. I was on the subway and this musician was wearing a shirt that said “I Help Save Lives” and that totally reminded me of you. So I hired him to play Happy Birthday. Enjoy the joy!

Have a beautiful day celebrating another year of evolution and newness! Thank you for your inspiring, brilliant, creative, soul.