A Very Merry Unbirthday To You

Had a dream the other night that I was sitting next to Eminem and he put a gift for me on the keyboard of my computer when he thought I wasn’t looking. It was two pieces of steel jewelry for my hair. They were butterflies and each one was the same kind of butterfly, but they had different clasps and fastened differently. I thanked him as I put them in my hair. Then I woke up.

Every year I write a birthday message to my heroes Marshall Mathers, Eminem and Slim Shady on my cybershrine to him, and last year I just couldn’t do it, for a lot of reasons that would sound wayyyyyyy too crazy to write here. All I could do was make this website and hope I was doing the right thing on that day. It’s not easy to explain what it’s like to be a superfreak like me.  And maybe this sounds crazy too, but every day I feel huge regret that I didn’t write my usual birthday message to someone I do not know and have never met.

Just watched a video of Proof throwing a surprise party for my Rap God on the Shady Records site and I decided to upload this now, inspired by his joyful soul. It’s at my friend, Rebecca’s birthday party and midway through the song I decided to film it so I could put it on my cybershrine to say Happy Birthday to Eminem too. But why wait to upload it on his next birthday when I can wish him all the best on his Unbirthday!


A very merry unbirthday to me
To who?
To me
Oh you!
A very merry unbirthday to you
Who me?
Yes, you!
Oh, me!
Let’s all congratulate us with another cup of tea
A very merry unbirthday to you!
Now, statistics prove, prove that you’ve one birthday
Imagine, just one birthday every year
Ah, but there are three hundred and sixty four unbirthdays!
Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer
A very merry unbirthday to you, to you
To me?
To you!
A very merry unbirthday
For me?
For you!
Now blow the candle out my dear
And make your wish come true
A merry merry unbirthday to you!

Merry Unbirthday My Hero! Thank you for being the force in this world that inspires me above all others, Eminem. You give me and so many millions of people so much hope and joy. May every one of your days be full of fun and surprises, Shady. May you always be surrounded by love, enjoy perfect health and everlasting creative bliss! You are a miracle, Marshall and I’m so grateful for everything you do to be you!








New York Vs. Everybody

NewYorkVsEverybodyWent to the gym to blow off some steam, after being called repulsive on Genius.com for trying to get people to pay attention to what Hillary Clinton is really saying in her AIPAC speech. That fucking bitch is trying to start a war. Fuck her.

Usually I bring my ipod and listen to rap when I work out, mostly listen to Eminem and Public Enemy. But I didn’t have it charged so I left without it.

After working out I went into the sauna and there was a stack of fashion magazines inside, which was weird, I have never seen magazines in there before. The one on top mentioned the main fashion layout was about fashion in Detroit. Right away I felt like an angel was looking out for me. I smiled and opened the magazine to an ad with big type that said, “A Little Bit Wrong, in The Right Way.”, which I felt described perfectly what I had written on Genius.com

I flipped through the magazine. Read some articles. Read an interview. Was happy to see that Sarah Burton is making some beautiful revolutionary couture for Alexander McQueen, rest his brilliant soul. My time in the sauna was almost up. I usually do 30 minutes and the clock was at 28. I turned the page. I was now on the first page of the Detroit fashion spread and there taking up a full page was an image of a girl’s face and she was wearing an Eminem hat.

Detroit Vs. Everybody


Standing With Kim

Just read an article in the New York Daily News about Kim coming out and announcing that she tried to commit suicide last year and I want to leave a message of support for her, here.

Never say die, Kim. Never! There are so many people in this world who understand what you have been through and admire your strength and are rooting for you and who want you to be happy.

Growing up poor and feeling hopeless time and time again re-wires us and it is so easy to revert back into that hopeless feeling when something bad happens that makes us depressed. It’s so hard to develop new patterns of thinking that don’t take us to those dark places but it can be done. I have been there, on the edge myself and it is hell, (was just posting about it here two days ago because I was finally feeling super hopeful, like I won’t ever feel like that again.) but those moments do happen and they are dark but remember you are loved in this world and people need you in this world. And you are strong and you are a fighter, Kim. That’s what I admire about you from afar, down here in fandom.

Choose joy, Kim. You deserve to be happy and healthy and making many more joyful memories with all of your family and friends.

Sisterhood and solidarity.


standing with Kim sisterhood




Fight Music

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly. – Barbara Haines Howett, Ladies of the Borobudur


Three Years Ago MayDay DSCN8502
The door leading to my old art studio. 2012

This kind of music, use it, and you get amped to do shit.  Whenever you hear some shit and you can’t refuse it. It’s just some shit for these kids to trash they rooms with. Just refuse whenever they asked to do shit
― D12 – Fight Music

Southpaw DSCN8512
“Never forget how lucky you are to have yourself.” – Lyrics from ‘LOST’ , by The Maine

If I could capture the rage of today’s youth and bottle it.  Crush the glass with my bare hands and swallow it
― D12 – Fight Music





Good Mourning


First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, ‘I believe,’ three times.

– Ovid


I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

Yesterday was the tornado warning
Today’s like the morning after
Your world is torn in half
You wake in it’s wake to start the mourning process
And rebuilding, you’re still a work in progress
Today’s a whole new chapter
It’s like an enormous asth-ma
Thunderstorm has passed ya
You weathered it and poked it’s eye out
With the thorn bush that you
Used to smell the roses
Stopped to inhale, can’t even tell your nose is, stuffed
So focused on the bright side
Then you floor the gas pedal
And hit the corner fast the more asserted
Never looking back
May hit the curb
But every day is a new learning curve as you
Steer through life, sometimes you might not wanna swerve
But you have to
To avert a disaster
Lucky no permanent damage
Cause they hurt you so bad
It’s like they murdered your ass
And threw dirt on your casket but you’ve returned from the ashes
And that hurt that you have, you just converted to gasoline
And while you’re burning the past, standing in the inferno and chant

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

You’re so familiarized with what having to swallow this pill is like
It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life
And it’s as though you feel you’ve died
Cause you’ve been killed inside
But yet you’re still alive
Which means you will survive
Although today you may weep cause you’re weakened
And everything seems so bleak and hopeless
The light that you’re seekin’
It begins to seep in
That’s the only thing keepin’
You from leapin’ off the mothafreakin’ deep end
And I’m pullin’ for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healing
And by tomorrow
You may even feel so good that you’re willing to forgive ’em even after
All the shit you been put through this feeling of resilience is building
And the flames are burning quick as fire would through this building
You’re sealed in but you’re fireproof, flame retardant, you withstood it
And as you climb up to the roof, you’re just chillin’ you look down
Cause you’re so over ’em
You could put the heel of your foot through the ceiling

As time passes
Things change every day
But wounds, wounds heal, but scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today’s going down in flames
Throw the match, set the past ablaze

So feel the fire beneath your feet as you barely even perspire
From the heat
Exhale deep and breathe a sigh of relief
And as you say goodbye to the grief
It’s like watching the walls melt in your prison cell
But you’ve extinguished this living hell
Still a little piece of you dies as you scream

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

I feel the burn, watch the smoke as I turn
Rising, a phoenix from the flames
I have learned, from fighting fights, that weren’t mine
Not with fists, but with wings that I will fly

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light.

– Eminem, Beautiful Pain







I’m just so fuckin’ depressed

I just can’t seem to get out this slump

If I could just get over this hump

But I need something to pull me out this dump

I took my bruises, took my lumps

Fell down and I got right back up

But I need that spark to get psyched back up

In order for me to pick that mic back up

I don’t know how or why or when

I ended up in this position I’m in

I starting to feel distant again

So I decided just to pick this pen

– Beautiful



Listening to my Rap God all day and remembering that art can get you through anything–and trying to prove it. Saw pictures of Eminem on tour in South America on Twitter and it really cheered me up this morning. He looks like he is having fun. I need to have more fun. Taking a break now to post here to say, “Thank you, Shady!”

Every year in Coney Island, Brooklyn we have an art parade called the Mermaid Parade. I usually go, and if I go I make a costume. These pics are from 2008, the same year I started my cybershrine to Eminem. My costume this year was the Widow of the Water.


I love mermaids. The good thing about being a mermaid is that no matter how much her heart breaks a mermaid cannot drown in her own tears.





Professional Stalker

Whenever I start a new job the first thing I do is hang a picture of Eminem over my desk. My work uniform is an Eminem shirt or hat or both and I never leave home without my Eminem Ring.  While working I sneak in as many references to Eminem, Marshall Mathers, or Slim Shady into my graphics, as I can get away with.

These are some graphics I made for season 5 of 30 Rock.

Anytime I have to make graphics for airports, train terminals or bus depots I always make the first destination city Detroit, Michigan. The departure time is Lucky #7, My lucky #5 and #8 for 8 Mile. You will also notice that the number of the gate for the second destination, New York, is D12.


Here is another example of how obsessed I am with 8 Mile legend, Eminem.

For the same season of 30 ROCK I had the chance to make all of this cool fake TGS merchandise for a scene that took place in the NBC store. I made some board games based on some previous jokes in the show. One of the games was “Who Farted?” based on a joke from a previous episode. The logo is based on a sketch my boss did. She thought it would be funny to make it look like a butt. I of course needed to get a little bit of Eminem love in there since his sense of humor is one of my favorite things about his work. So I designed the “Who Farted?” game board in the shape of an “8” for 8 Mile. I also made sure that this game is totally playable. I wrote real rules and as part of the final wrap gift I made for my colleagues, I gave everyone gift bags with all kinds of stuff including a “Who Farted?” board game, complete with cards, game pieces, dice, and play money.


This is how a professional stalker operates. Click here to see some more 30 ROCK graphics that have Eminem references in them on my blog, The Maniacs’ Almanac.