In Truth & Love

Hi Sexy Beast, 
Today I am so happy for you because I know you are happy, healthy and strong. You are surrounded by powerful and magnificent love, real infinite love that you have earned through fatherhood, brotherhood, hard work, creativity, sacrifice, tenacity, wisdom and commitment. You are forever surrounded by this love and you have earned it. It is bigger than life itself. This love that I know exists for you showed me how beautiful and good you are (and it showed me how beautiful and good I am.) This love that I know exists for you inspired me to write to you all these years. Your lifeforce is so good and powerful, YOU and this love taught me how to trust the beautiful, powerful goodness in men again. 
You have been my hero. You have been my teacher. You saved me. You have taught me to look closer at myself. You have taught me the meaning of sacrifice. You have shown me why I could not and should not have children. You have shown me why I have been alone for so long. Your art kept me company all these years and filled my world with all the sounds and colors I needed to hear, see and feel whenever I was dying inside. Your example has taught me patience with myself and with others. You have taught me what parts of myself to keep and what parts to shed. You taught me to seek and cherish the quiet, innocent moments in life. You have taught me the glory of virtue, you taught me how to shed my ego and feed my soul. You have taught me how to smile when I have nothing left to give. You have taught me how to grow for love. You have taught me how to have faith. You have taught me how beautiful and important the truth is. You taught me that the truth is worth fighting for.
This little chapel was next door to my hotel in Hawaii, tucked away, almost invisible in a dark corner of the marina. I almost didn’t see it and then I did. I am posting this picture here because it symbolizes the things I want to rescue from a dark, buried part of myself. It symbolizes the things I want to learn now. The things I want to learn now will require me to stop writing here.
I know how to give love but I want to learn how to receive love. I want to learn how to let someone love me. I want to learn how to really communicate lovingly with a man who really wants to communicate with me lovingly. I want to really connect intimately with the man I love, and care for him and inspire him to care about me and my spirit and to care about my safety, to care about how I get home at night. I want to write letters to a man who prays for me the way I pray for him. I want to write letters to a man who desires me the way I desire him. I want to write letters to a man who makes me feel like I am enough and makes me feel that I truly make him happy. I want to learn how to believe a man really loves me and cares for me. I want to learn how to really listen to a man when he speaks to me and to believe a man really wants to listen to me. I want to learn how to believe that a man will never be cruel to me and only wants to be good to me and to be gentle with me and to still be honest with me even if what he has to tell me will hurt me. I want to learn how to believe I am loved and that I am not a burden. I want these things not because I don’t want to be alone. I love to be alone, but maybe I love it too much and maybe I will also love not being alone. I have been alone since I started writing to you because that is what I wanted. I wanted to focus all of my love and prayers on you for reasons that were and are and always will be sacred to me. Now I want to open my heart to the possibility of real, true love. If I keep writing here I will keep loving you and only you and no one will be able to reach me to bring me back to reality, and reality is the only place where true love exists.
I want to thank you for giving me the strength to go to Hawaii. I finally saw the truth in Hawaii. I saw the truth with my own eyes and my own heart and the truth is the most beautiful thing in the universe.
The truth shall set us free!
Let love rule!
Mahalo forever. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s