Once upon a time it was New Years’ Eve and I woke up at the crack of dawn. I was so happy! It was a perfect day because I woke up in bed with the cutest little bear in the universe. His name is Mighty Prince Savage Machismo and he was still sleeping. So I got up quietly, trying not to wake him and took a nice hot shower. When I turned off the faucet it made a rather loud noise because old buildings in New York City do that to say “Good Morning!”. The noise woke the cutest bear in the universe up from a deep sleep.
“Where is my woman!?”, Mighty Prince Savage Machismo said. “She was snuggling me and kissing me all night and telling me how cute I am and how happy she is that I am here at the hotel with her, and how I am the greatest little bear in the universe to surprise her the way that I did, with my cuddly sweetness in this sexy hotel on her sexy staycation. She said she is SO happy and lucky that I am hers and that she loves me soooooooo much. She said she loves Mighty Prince Savage Machismo more than any other bear out there, and now I wake up and the bitch is gone! Just gone. Dammit! That fucking, lying, bitch!”
As I wrapped the towel around my head I heard my little bear cursing up a storm so I came out of the bathroom in my cozy robe and slippers (smiling because I felt so clean and cozy and smiling because Mighty Prince Savage Machismo is so cute when he curses up a storm). It was time to see what all the fuss was about.
Mighty Prince Savage Machismo looked surprised when I emerged from the bathroom and he gave me a sheepish grin, which he is able to do even though he has no mouth. I kissed his beautiful furry face.
“What’s wrong Mighty Prince Savage Machismo? Even though you are adorable when you curse up a storm I would rather see what we can do to make sure we are both very happy today. I am already very happy and I think we will have no problem getting you up to speed. What do you think?”
Embarrassed by his outburst he said, “I think you wake up too early for a woman who says she is trying to relax… but I think that is what I like about you.” He looked at me with his beautiful shiny eyes full of real love and tender emotion. “I am cursing up a storm because I got upset when you weren’t in the bed, I thought you left me and I thought you lied and that you didn’t mean any of the things you said to me, but now I realize how crazy that is. You are obsessed with me, you love me because I am me, and I couldn’t not be me, even if I tried. I have always been me and I will always be me. I am your dream bear.”
“Yes! It’s true!” I threw my arms around him and kissed him and kissed him and kissed his furry face until I kissed every spot and there was no spot left I had not kissed. “I mean every loving word and kiss, Mighty Prince Savage Machismo, you are my dream bear!”
Mighty Prince Savage Machismo accepted all of his kisses gratefully and patted the bed next to him. “Come back to bed so I can kiss you and kiss you and kiss you back now and show you how grateful I am for your love and devotion and how sorry I am that I called you a bitch, you can be a bitch to other people, but not ever to me, to me you are my sexy, sweet, crazy, loving, obsessive, tender bitch. You are my kind bitch, my gentle lady, my wild woman and I love you no matter what time of day it is.”
So of course I jumped joyfully back into bed because Mighty Prince Savage Machismo is the greatest, cutest bear in the universe and he was right, it was TOO early to be awake on a staycation.
And we lived happily ever after.