Great Friday

Hey Handsome,

How are you? Feeling wonderful I hope. It’s a beautiful morning and I am feeling wonderful thinking about you. My head has been exploding with all kinds of emotions and I have been having trouble focusing. Yesterday I went to get a facial and they told me my appointment was on Wednesday. I went to the supermarket, without my wallet. Tried to start a million things and then would realize I was just sitting there stunned and hadn’t done anything. Yesterday I literally got nothing done. I am walking around in circles, like a confused puppy. Every day I wake up but I feel like I am not waking up, I feel like I am going deeper into a dream. I am dizzy, laughing and singing and muttering, “we go together, we go together, he says we go together!” I am a mess, but I am looking pretty good on the surface. That gym is breaking my ass!

Sooooo, you have me swooning all over the place. Now, I understand the meaning of ‘Beautiful Trauma’. I have so much joy in my heart and I need a gurney to get me around because I am too stunned to function.

Excited for your fans that they get to see you this weekend!! You will blow them away like you always do. You are the Rap God, the King of Artists, The Man of Men. ROCK THEIR WORLD! They are waiting for you with love. Make them scream!!!!

Travel safe, I am always thinking about you. Here in New York I will be cat-sitting for the people upstairs and trying to get some art made while daydreaming about the future with you. I know we will have so much fun and tenderness together. I know it deep in my heart and soul and bones! I know we are a joyful, passionate, and compassionate match made in heaven! Still, I am praying that I don’t disappoint you. My main fear moving forward (and it terrifies me) is that I am going to be limiting you in some way. You have so much freedom and opportunity and  I am just one woman. I don’t want to rob you of experiences you might need, or have become accustomed to (if you know what I mean) and I don’t ever want to try to control you or lose myself drowning in a sea of inadequate feelings. I can’t lie, I am scared.

My hope: That you will always feel free around me, to be exactly who you need to be to be happy and to shine and to keep growing and glowing. Let’s always be able to tell each other what we need. I want to be good for you, a great spiritual asset to you, someone you always look forward to interacting with, someone who brings you comfort, peace and joy. Since the first day I started writing to you my goal was to try to do something to cheer you up, to stimulate your creative spirit and protect your mental health. That has been my goal since day one. I have failed at times to be consistent and I am still very pained by my inability to conduct myself properly on Genius because I know exactly how that looks on the surface. It looks like I am not committed and that I will change my mind and that I am flaky and all of those assumptions are fair but they are not true. I promise they are not true. I am willing to talk to you about why I failed that “test” (if you even care about it anymore like I do.)

Today I will try to be useful on the cloud I am living on. I will try to knock the cartoon hearts that are circling my head out of the way so I can see straight. I will be thinking of you , like I always do. Wherever you are I hope you can feel the power of my devotion and my affection for you, traveling over space and time, to fill you with warmth and cover you with psychic kisses all over every single inch of your glorious form. One day soon, God willing, I will cover you with kisses for real.

Stay safe, Handsome. Have a great time this weekend.

And of course, thank you, for everything.

xo,

y

#Southpaw

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