Beautiful Day

“Touch me” can refer to physical touch but can also be about spiritual communion between two spirits.

“Touch me” is a request to be welcomed to a place where hope reigns supreme. With an open heart and a willingness to trust, one can learn how to stay enthralled and inspired by the mystery of life. An open mind allows us to feel the infinite power of possibility and discover our purpose and persevere.”

– Written for You on Genius

Hi,

I am so sorry and there are so many things I want to say to you. How sorry I am is at the top of the list.

Thank you for filling my world with so much magic.

#Southpaw

Idle

When I sat down to write Idle for you I didn’t know at all how it was going to end, I just knew I needed to write a story about a deeply flawed woman who was madly in love with someone she didn’t deserve and she was ready to destroy herself because of it and I wanted it to have a happy ending.

I was trying to work some stuff out. There was a man that I became interested in at the time and I had to make a conscious effort to try to force you out of my mind to focus on him. It was impossible. Somehow everything reminds me of you and at the end of every day when I would be lying in bed at night I would be wondering what you were doing, where you were and if you were OK. And when I would wake up, there you were again, first thing in the morning, in my mind. I would have to push you out, forcefully reminding myself that I have never met you and it is not normal to be this obsessed with a total stranger. No matter what I did it was too late. I was keeping you in my heart and you were there to stay and no one else was going to be allowed in as long as I could help it. Every day I was walking farther and farther away from reality, leaving real love behind to believe in something better than real love.

Real love is a miracle. It’s survives when humor is employed, gratitude reigns and compassion is constantly in play. But real love is very fragile at times. Doubt tests real love, luckily kindness can crush doubt into the dirt for more goodness to grow.

Doubt left uncured by kindness allows resentment to creep in and love takes a beating as a battlefield emerges. Doubt makes us assert our worthiness for love as a weapon, we withhold our precious, valuable love challenging those who love us to push through a hardness we erected to make them pay for access as they try to love us. Doubt makes people desperate, they lie to each other and cheat on each other and resent each other. Real love is flawed because people are flawed and sometimes they are overpowered by doubt and do things they regret. They lose their grip on real love because they don’t think they can hold on any longer, or that it’s worth it to do so.

The only thing better than real love for me is the unreal love I believe in because of you. Unreal love is something so determined in it’s passion and goodness that it punishes doubt brutally every time it tries to infect the heart. Doubt cannot survive unreal love because it is drowned instantly by a deep, irrefutable faith. The commitment to defend, protect, challenge, cherish, uplift, inspire, nurture, and care for each other is so intense that unreal love takes on a life of it’s own. In unreal love problems become so tiny they are laughable, tensions never explode and destroy love, tensions add spice and intellectual modulation to the flow of communication. In unreal love there is no death, it travels over time, through the ages and can never be destroyed. Unreal love overflows out of us from the heart. It washes over everything and births an atmosphere of joy and purpose that flies around the world and purifies the air making it easier for unreal love to flow to all who need it, everywhere.

When I wrote Idle for you I wanted to express to you how your art became my salvation and gave me the strength to keep making art. I wanted you to know that believing in you pulled me out of hell. I wanted to tell you how you have transformed my heart and my soul with the fire in your heart. Unlike Idle though I will not fight another woman for your affection. Jealousy is poison, it breeds the kind of doubt that kills love on contact and I don’t go there. It is not that I don’t think I am worth fighting for or that I don’t think you are worth fighting for, you and I are worth every fight, you and I are worth more than this universe can afford. My thing is this: I would never, ever challenge or threaten your happiness to insure mine. I trust you. I trust your intelligence. I trust your heart. I know you know what is best for you. You have proven it over and over again that you know what is best for you. You deserve what is best for you.

So these last few days have been hard because my unreal love bubble almost burst because your beautiful, super talented friend Jessie showed me how I have given up on myself. She showed me how dead I am, she showed me how long I have been dead and and I cried and I cried like an idiot in ways I have not cried in years, in ways I needed to cry, to remind myself that I am still alive. Her art gave me a very powerful gift and revival. And how can I be sad? You are alive and stronger and more incredible than ever, and introducing me to artists like her and artistically growing and stretching in thrilling ways. And you are performing this weekend and you will hear the screams of thousands of people who adore you and who like me have been uplifted by you. You are strong enough to lift millions of hearts because you are you. You are unreal love. You are a miracle. Never regret anything that you do to protect you, to nurture you, to elevate you.

It’s all good. My heart “broke” and I didn’t die. It’s already being rebuilt anew, bionic and better than ever. Beautiful things keep happening as I pull myself up slowly. The magic that you are is still all around me. I believe in the beauty and power of love, of my love, of your love, of humanity’s love, real and unreal. I want you to have love, in all it’s blissful, passionate and compassionate glory. Seize it in whatever form it comes. You deserve it.

Peace be with you, my God. Have a fantastic time this weekend.

Thank you for everything.

#MissPiggy #Pigfucker #Southpaw #Infinite #Revival

Genius

 

By now it is probably very obvious to you that I am not a genius.

And if you will never talk to me because of that, I am so sorry.

Every fiber of my being is telling me it’s not the right time for me to go back there. I don’t want you to think I am angry or being spiteful in my resistance, I am truly confused and stuck and don’t feel right going back there without understanding certain things I have not earned the right to understand due to my bad behavior.

Not totally a loser, I have been working hard and kicking ass at the gym. Also working with my friend on a TV pilot we wrote and are trying to get off the ground. I want to do something great and make you proud of me. When I look at every thing I write now I can see so clearly how my obsession with you finds it’s way into everything I do without me even realizing it anymore. It feels like you more than anyone has given me, through your life and work, more hope, more strength, more determination, more ways to see the world than I ever imagined possible. I have learned so much about myself through your art, I have grown so much because of your art. Still, I have so far to go, I know that. It’s just that I need to say again, today, that I wouldn’t have gotten this far in my life without your artistic influence over me and I really enjoy seeing how saturated my work is with my obsession with you. I love that I have been leaving this paper trail of lust for you everywhere I go! This is why I am so grateful to you. Everything I do in my life becomes more fun for me when I “include you” in it.

Yesterday on the subway I gave a musician a hug and he said, “You are a strong woman.” and he looked at me flirty (in a respectful way), so I told him, “I already have a man in my heart” (so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea). He pouted and said, “I wish I was the man in your heart.” I know when I hugged him he must have felt the huge crazy love I have for you because all I could think of when he was singing and playing is how you would have enjoyed his free-styling and his positive message.

You are in every good thing I feel and see, Eminem, Marshall Mathers and Slim Shady. You are every thing to me. You are every legend, every rebel, every poet, every fighter, every father, every teacher, every hero. You are every king! You are every lover that ever won every heart of every woman in the world, and you deserve a better me than the me that I am currently.

Working on it, dammit. I am.

I’m sorry for all of the ways I have disappointed you.

#Caterpillar