Good Morning Sexy Beast,
Last night I got together with my beautiful friend that I met in Hawaii, who I never would have met if I had not gone to see you perform! So thank you for that 💋
We went to the BAM Cinefest Film Festival to see a movie she worked on called ‘Premature’ all about a young girl who gets her heart broken after her first love. It was great. It got me thinking about so many things.
The movie wasn’t really like my life. The two men I was involved with (8 years each) gave me their love, and I feel grateful to them for that and remember them with fondness but I wanted both my relationships to end. They both went on way too long and the men I was involved with knew they were wasting my time and energy with behavior that was very destructive, repetitive and toxic to me. I stayed as long as I did because the men I was involved with also had beautiful qualities and talents and they made me laugh and made me think and inspired my creativity and they were handsome (🤣😂 and I am little bit shallow.) My attraction to them and my compassion for them kept me connected to them because I deeply understood the reason for their inability to stop ‘hurting me’. It was the same “weakness” that I had, the weakness that kept me from leaving them, even though they were no longer healthy for me. I do not hate them at all but I do not stay in touch with them either.
People who stay friends with their exes confuse me. Any new man in my life who commits to happiness in an intimate relationship with me should not have to entertain the “friendly” presence of a man from my past who has given me scars my new partner wants to heal. And vice versa, why should my exes new loves have to endure me calling my exes just to say hi and just dropping by to visit smiling and creating the illusion that somehow our toxic past is greener than the potential in their intimate future? We had many years to demonstrate the kind of relationship we thought we deserved together and we failed to create peaceful harmony between us so there is need to further strengthen our emotional ties to each other over more time. There are very rare exceptions to this rule, having young kids makes communication necessary but for the most part, from what I have observed, people who “need” to be close friends with their exes usually have major co-dependency / control issues.
After my second relationship ended I decided it was time for me to take responsibility for the toxic things I bought into my relationships and heal myself of those behaviors. I haven’t been willing to test myself in a real romantic relationship in many years because I never want to carelessly hurt a man again, especially one who truly loves me due to reckless thoughtlessness. I have thought long and hard about the kind of partner I want in life and I been writing to you and writing to you has been teaching me to see clearly what I think unconditional love is. I have learned why it is important to know exactly why we are attracted to someone and to understand exactly why they are attracted to us to avoid hurting each other and getting hurt as the relationship develops. I have learned what unconditional love feels like, how beautiful it is, how difficult it is, how necessary it is. You probably know ALL of this stuff already because you’re a father! ❤️❤️❤️ I am just leaving this here so you can clearly understand the mind of your stalker 😂
I have learned: Love can be unconditional, but relationships have conditions. Conditions in a relationship build the mutual respect and commitment. Conditions also guarantee that each party knows they are also responsible for self-love. Each partner practicing self care removes the burden of our happiness from our partner so we can observe and share in each other’s happiness. Love is unconditional but loving relationships must have conditions which is why sometimes relationships have to end or change in order to continue lovingly.
Anyway, last night after the film we all went to an after party at a place called ‘Mo’s’ and I thought of you and of Southpaw. ❤️ We danced and danced and Kiara’s little boy was with us and I freaked him out with the Vulcan salute 🖖🤣😂, kid never saw something so hilarious before. Just doing it made him laugh his little head off.) We had fun. A nice handsome man wanted to dance with me so I danced with him and it was very nice to dance with him. We exchanged numbers because why not? It feels rude to say to a polite, handsome, hardworking man who wants to dance with me again, “Sorry, I don’t want to give you my number because I don’t want to cheat on my imaginary soulmate.”
Oh Sexy Beast, I wish you were real. I wish you were real and that you would appear and stand up and say “I am real and I am here and Yvonne Mojica is MY dance partner, mine all mine! And No! None of you can cut in!”
That’s what I am going to wish for today and you can’t stop me.✨
#mo #hope #southpaw