Worker Bee

Hi Sexy Beast,

Today was my first day back to work after my lovely hiatus and guess what! I got a promotion. 🤣😂 Winning!

Anyway, I saw this image below on Instagram and thought of you Monsieur Mathers ❤️ 🦋

And I thought of you yesterday too when I took this picture of my glittery Mermaid décolletage because you said you like boobs, boobs, boobs and I wanted to show them to you, you, you. 😂😘✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Stop looking at my boobs!

Stop objectifying me.

Stop it. Stop it right now. 😂🤣

I have a head you know.

And a tail.

OK, gotta go. See you in my dreams! ☺️❤️

#fack

Wish Du Jour

Good Morning Sexy Beast,

Last night I got together with my beautiful friend that I met in Hawaii, who I never would have met if I had not gone to see you perform! So thank you for that 💋

We went to the BAM Cinefest Film Festival to see a movie she worked on called ‘Premature’ all about a young girl who gets her heart broken after her first love. It was great. It got me thinking about so many things.

The movie wasn’t really like my life. The two men I was involved with (8 years each) gave me their love, and I feel grateful to them for that and remember them with fondness but I wanted both my relationships to end. They both went on way too long and the men I was involved with knew they were wasting my time and energy with behavior that was very destructive, repetitive and toxic to me. I stayed as long as I did because the men I was involved with also had beautiful qualities and talents and they made me laugh and made me think and inspired my creativity and they were handsome (🤣😂 and I am little bit shallow.) My attraction to them and my compassion for them kept me connected to them because I deeply understood the reason for their inability to stop ‘hurting me’. It was the same “weakness” that I had, the weakness that kept me from leaving them, even though they were no longer healthy for me. I do not hate them at all but I do not stay in touch with them either.

People who stay friends with their exes confuse me. Any new man in my life who commits to happiness in an intimate relationship with me should not have to entertain the “friendly” presence of a man from my past who has given me scars my new partner wants to heal. And vice versa, why should my exes new loves have to endure me calling my exes just to say hi and just dropping by to visit smiling and creating the illusion that somehow our toxic past is greener than the potential in their intimate future? We had many years to demonstrate the kind of relationship we thought we deserved together and we failed to create peaceful harmony between us so there is need to further strengthen our emotional ties to each other over more time. There are very rare exceptions to this rule, having young kids makes communication necessary but for the most part, from what I have observed, people who “need” to be close friends with their exes usually have major co-dependency / control issues.

After my second relationship ended I decided it was time for me to take responsibility for the toxic things I bought into my relationships and heal myself of those behaviors. I haven’t been willing to test myself in a real romantic relationship in many years because I never want to carelessly hurt a man again, especially one who truly loves me due to reckless thoughtlessness. I have thought long and hard about the kind of partner I want in life and I been writing to you and writing to you has been teaching me to see clearly what I think unconditional love is. I have learned why it is important to know exactly why we are attracted to someone and to understand exactly why they are attracted to us to avoid hurting each other and getting hurt as the relationship develops. I have learned what unconditional love feels like, how beautiful it is, how difficult it is, how necessary it is. You probably know ALL of this stuff already because you’re a father! ❤️❤️❤️ I am just leaving this here so you can clearly understand the mind of your stalker 😂

I have learned: Love can be unconditional, but relationships have conditions. Conditions in a relationship build the mutual respect and commitment. Conditions also guarantee that each party knows they are also responsible for self-love. Each partner practicing self care removes the burden of our happiness from our partner so we can observe and share in each other’s happiness. Love is unconditional but loving relationships must have conditions which is why sometimes relationships have to end or change in order to continue lovingly.

Anyway, last night after the film we all went to an after party at a place called ‘Mo’s’ and I thought of you and of Southpaw. ❤️ We danced and danced and Kiara’s little boy was with us and I freaked him out with the Vulcan salute 🖖🤣😂, kid never saw something so hilarious before. Just doing it made him laugh his little head off.) We had fun. A nice handsome man wanted to dance with me so I danced with him and it was very nice to dance with him. We exchanged numbers because why not? It feels rude to say to a polite, handsome, hardworking man who wants to dance with me again, “Sorry, I don’t want to give you my number because I don’t want to cheat on my imaginary soulmate.”

Oh Sexy Beast, I wish you were real. I wish you were real and that you would appear and stand up and say “I am real and I am here and Yvonne Mojica is MY dance partner, mine all mine! And No! None of you can cut in!”

That’s what I am going to wish for today and you can’t stop me.✨

#mo #hope #southpaw

Wednesday Explained

The stone faces I have been using in my recent collages are from photos I took after my court date back in April. I was very disturbed to have caused myself to end up there, but even more upset to see just how much of a disgusting, automated, unconstitutional conveyor belt of injustice our courts have become.

The stone faces are symbols of the hardening of my spirit in spite of all of my efforts to feel joyful and hopeful in this corrupt world. They are also a symbol of my resolve and determination to stand my ground when I believe I am right. The armless clock is a statement about how I feel about time. Time is the instrument we created that allows us to understand our value systems by projecting urgency onto the things that matter most to us in the physical realm. Time allows us to experience and understand the rhythm of infinity. We are infinite spiritual beings traveling across time. We are not anchored to it. There is only life, afterlife and life again, and so on.

The fighter planes on the left are a symbol of you and your Shady Army. They are also a symbol of our mutual, inherent rights to create what we must to survive and to destroy whatever threatens to destroy us. The falcon on the right is a symbol of our freedom to choose to rise above petty humanness to live naturally, and peacefully and joyfully.

This collage is about how I feel about going to see you perform in Abu Dhabi in October. My head is exploding with the thought of it all. Even though I said I wanted to lick Jake Gyllenhaal (that was true) and even though Elon Musk and his inventions jump start the science-loving part of my heart, I would go to the edge of the Earth just to be near you Marshall Mathers. I would travel to the desert just to tell you again that you are my favorite reason to wake up everyday. You in every phase of your creative and personal evolution is beautiful and inspiring to me. I choose to be alone so that I can be happy because I cannot be happy lying to any man. I cannot be with another man. I cannot lie to another man and tell him he is the most important man to me on Earth when you are the most important man to me on Earth. I cannot lie to a man and tell him he is the sexiest man on Earth when you are the sexiest man on Earth to me. I cannot love another man until I no longer love you. I cannot stop loving you until you stop being you.

This collage is a statement that says thank you to you for giving me another excuse to travel to a part of the world that intrigues me for my birthday. Thank you for your courage and for creating such powerful ways to connect diverse groups of humanity through your art. Thank you for sharing your humor and your rage and your intelligence and your compassion in a language I can understand so I can learn ways to process my rage and express my intelligence and maybe one day make art that also helps bring people together. This collage is a statement that says I know I am strong enough to be alone, that I am choosing to be alone. I like living alone with my love for you, because I am in love with a dream that is so beautiful to me that I would rather die alone than ever abandon it.

#MoriorInvictus #Kamikaze #HumpdayHope

You Just Don’t Fight Fair Mr. Mathers

This is the problem I am having with you: How can you put this sexy face into the world, on the freaking internet where I could accidentally come across it while I am minding my business living my best life, and expect me to NOT stalk you until I die? 😂

Sweet Jesus. You are cruel and unusual, Sexy Beast. Cruel and unusual.

Be careful with that face, you can kill a bitch with that face. 🔥

#SexyBeast

Rainy Days

Hey Sexy Beast,

I am sorry I keep writing to you. Trying to figure out life. Right now I am in Puerto Rico. This is where my family is from. Missing my grandparents very much.

Have been writing, thinking, evaluating everything about my life. Having intense dreams about you since I have been here.

My first night here, in the dream you were showing me a book where you kept a record of all the times you thought of me and I was just crying and crying and you were so sweetly turning the pages and comforting me with your arm around me as we turned the pages together. On the last page of the book you showed me a picture of my art and you said you wanted to make art with me and I cried and told you that I didn’t want to create anything without you. You held me and I said that I wanted you to be the father of my work because you are the only man I trust. I woke up and the bed, the pillow, my nightgown, everything, all the layers of bedding were soaking wet.

The next night I dreamt that we told each other that we loved each other. Then we went out on the town, all over the place smiling and laughing and everyone was happy to see us together. At one point I thought we got separated in a crowd but when I turned around to find you, you were right behind me, on my right side. I looked and you were picking your nose! You were not looking at me and you were hoping no one saw you as you pulled the most disgusting booger out of your nose and I smiled and all I could feel for you was tremendous love and relief for you that you got that giant, gross thing out of your nose so you could breathe properly. All I wanted to do was kiss you and make love to you. But I turned away instead and pretended that I didn’t see you picking your nose so you wouldn’t be embarrassed. Then I woke up.

My third night here, last night, I dreamt that I was here, alone in Puerto Rico surrounded by strangers and it started raining. I was surprised because (in real life) the weather predicted perfect skies this week. Then I woke up and realized it was just a dream. It was so sunny this morning as predicted. Went to a museum but I wasn’t feeling well so I came back to my room to have lunch on my balcony and it just started raining for real! It was just a brief rain and it has already passed And everything smells like sweet fresh rain.

Writing to you to tell you I am thinking of you and to tell you how much gratitude I have for you being on Earth and to tell you how special you are. You are the King of my Dreams. This is not a plea for you to work with me or to be with me or anything like that. All I want for you is for you (and me) is to be happy and healthy and strong. This is just another admission about how much your life influences me and means to me and how much I admire you and how small I feel in comparison to you sometimes and how significant you are to me as a symbol of perfect and pure masculine love.

I hope you are well and that I will one day have the strength to stop stalking you here. Stop showing up in my dreams, that will make it a lot easier.

Photo taken in San Juan, Puerto Rico

#RainyDays

In Truth & Love

Hi Sexy Beast, 
Today I am so happy for you because I know you are happy, healthy and strong. You are surrounded by powerful and magnificent love, real infinite love that you have earned through fatherhood, brotherhood, hard work, creativity, sacrifice, tenacity, wisdom and commitment. You are forever surrounded by this love and you have earned it. It is bigger than life itself. This love that I know exists for you showed me how beautiful and good you are (and it showed me how beautiful and good I am.) This love that I know exists for you inspired me to write to you all these years. Your lifeforce is so good and powerful, YOU and this love taught me how to trust the beautiful, powerful goodness in men again. 
You have been my hero. You have been my teacher. You saved me. You have taught me to look closer at myself. You have taught me the meaning of sacrifice. You have shown me why I could not and should not have children. You have shown me why I have been alone for so long. Your art kept me company all these years and filled my world with all the sounds and colors I needed to hear, see and feel whenever I was dying inside. Your example has taught me patience with myself and with others. You have taught me what parts of myself to keep and what parts to shed. You taught me to seek and cherish the quiet, innocent moments in life. You have taught me the glory of virtue, you taught me how to shed my ego and feed my soul. You have taught me how to smile when I have nothing left to give. You have taught me how to grow for love. You have taught me how to have faith. You have taught me how beautiful and important the truth is. You taught me that the truth is worth fighting for.
This little chapel was next door to my hotel in Hawaii, tucked away, almost invisible in a dark corner of the marina. I almost didn’t see it and then I did. I am posting this picture here because it symbolizes the things I want to rescue from a dark, buried part of myself. It symbolizes the things I want to learn now. The things I want to learn now will require me to stop writing here.
I know how to give love but I want to learn how to receive love. I want to learn how to let someone love me. I want to learn how to really communicate lovingly with a man who really wants to communicate with me lovingly. I want to really connect intimately with the man I love, and care for him and inspire him to care about me and my spirit and to care about my safety, to care about how I get home at night. I want to write letters to a man who prays for me the way I pray for him. I want to write letters to a man who desires me the way I desire him. I want to write letters to a man who makes me feel like I am enough and makes me feel that I truly make him happy. I want to learn how to believe a man really loves me and cares for me. I want to learn how to really listen to a man when he speaks to me and to believe a man really wants to listen to me. I want to learn how to believe that a man will never be cruel to me and only wants to be good to me and to be gentle with me and to still be honest with me even if what he has to tell me will hurt me. I want to learn how to believe I am loved and that I am not a burden. I want these things not because I don’t want to be alone. I love to be alone, but maybe I love it too much and maybe I will also love not being alone. I have been alone since I started writing to you because that is what I wanted. I wanted to focus all of my love and prayers on you for reasons that were and are and always will be sacred to me. Now I want to open my heart to the possibility of real, true love. If I keep writing here I will keep loving you and only you and no one will be able to reach me to bring me back to reality, and reality is the only place where true love exists.
I want to thank you for giving me the strength to go to Hawaii. I finally saw the truth in Hawaii. I saw the truth with my own eyes and my own heart and the truth is the most beautiful thing in the universe.
The truth shall set us free!
Let love rule!
Mahalo forever.